Walking Beside You — Thirty Years of Fertility Support

I will never forget the first fertility client I worked with. I was newly out of college with limitless enthusiasm for my new skills and profession but very little experience of the practicalities of what supporting someone in this position would look like. I nervously asked the questions I needed to ask, made my assessment, followed the protocols and metaphorically held my breath. I kept expectations low to protect us both from what seemed like a potentially huge disappointment if it didn't work.

And then within a couple of months she was pregnant and I was hooked.

I threw myself into understanding the subject from all angles. At that time specialising as an acupuncturist was not encouraged and keeping your work focused only on the energetics was the way we were taught. However, with the dawn of assisted fertility I couldn't and didn't want to ignore this aspect of the work. As a science geek on the side I also loved to cross reference what my clients presented with, the impact the medications had on their body and how I could support them through this challenging process.

Today I still get equally excited when I meet someone who is anywhere from thinking about starting a family through to those with a long and chequered history often laced with pain and disappointment. When I moved to Ely my first fertility and pregnancy clients coming through the door reminded me of my roots with this work and inspired me to write this piece.

Not every story has ended where people hoped. But I have had the privilege of walking beside hundreds of women as they found their child, for most that is through a straightforward pregnancy, but for others I have gone on to support choices such as donors, surrogates, adoption or the grief and acceptance of choosing to end this direction in their life and move towards something different.

The patterns of emotions I see as couples take this path are both unique and predictable.

I am there alongside the physical support, to be the person you can share your fears with. The secret guilts and longings. The difficulty of feeling jealousy and tears when someone close to you conceives and you have to paint a smile on your face. The fear that your negative thought “this may never happen to me” will somehow manifest a no-baby future. The moment when another person says "just relax and it will happen" and you want to strangle them. Or when your relationship becomes all about baby making and you reach the point where you look across and wonder, do I even want a baby with you anymore?

I am the person who knows about these thoughts and many others that arise. I know where they come from and how to help you understand and how to navigate them. But most importantly, I know they do not make you a bad person or mean you won't conceive.

So what does a session with me look like?

First you sit in a comfortable armchair and share what's happening. That may be anything from your mood and daily stresses to food, medication, charts and test results and there is never TMI. I am also interested in the physical details you can't say out loud but may secretly Google and we all know what a frightening experience that can sometimes be. I can point you back to what's normal and when you need more input from me or other healthcare professionals.

Then you get to lie down and the session flows to match your needs. There is often a combination of acupuncture, acupressure and heat lamp therapy and then whatever is needed to quieten your headspace. That may be a quiet time to close your eyes or unpicking a thought, belief or emotion that needs clearing or simply listening, giving you back mental capacity and the opportunity to find your own solutions.

Regardless of the structure, people walk away feeling lighter and with their next steps obvious and actionable.

Do you feel like the subject of pregnancy consumes your every thought?
Do people always say the wrong thing but you have to grit your teeth and smile?
Are you confused by the different advice out there and don't know who or what is right?

If any of this feels familiar — you are not alone.

After thirty years in this field I have only scratched the surface of what I know here.
I am always happy to talk, offer support and share what I can. Please don't hesitate to get in touch.