Community

Building Community in a New Place

So here I am, in a new town, and it’s time to build a community.

What does that look like for me?

I’ve moved through many communities in my life—and moved past the bullying I experienced in my youth. Even writing that now makes me realise: it no longer has anything to do with my identity. A stranger really is just a friend I haven’t met yet.

Letting Go of Preconceptions

Over the years, I’ve learned not to judge too quickly or hold too tightly to ideas about the kind of friends I need—or who will fill those roles.

When I moved into my new street, I kept a simple record of the people I met and where they lived. During those first few weeks—filling skips and working outside—it was surprisingly easy to start conversations with passers-by.

And here's something I noticed: I’ve often told myself I’m bad at remembering names. But in this context, it felt important to remember them—so I paid attention to that thought.

Taking Small, Inspired Actions

Now, as I move into the wider community, one of the things I’ve been seeking out is a new dojo.

I asked around. I searched on Google. I tried a few classes.

It might sound obvious—but so often, people don’t take action when these small, inspired ideas pop into their minds. Why not?

Listening Beyond the Inner Dialogue

In my experience, we often hold back because of the internal dialogue running in the background—excuses, doubts, or negative self-talk.

Over time, I’ve learned to distinguish between inspired thoughts and habitual ones. And as I’ve stopped giving so much weight to unhelpful self-talk, it shows up less and less.

I’ve also stopped worrying about whether I’ll “get it right” the first time. I usually learn something either way.

I attended three new dojos, each with its own strengths. I found one that suits me best right now—while knowing that could change, too.

Progress Over Perfection

I’ve seen perfectionism stop people in their tracks. The fear of getting it wrong can keep us from taking even the smallest step.

Sometimes, we let emotions guide our choices—but what if those emotions aren’t even ours? What if we’ve adopted beliefs and perspectives from others that no longer fit?

Take this thought: “I’m bad at remembering names.”
I was completely aware of that label when I met my new neighbours. So instead of assuming I’d forget, I chose to do something different. I wrote their names down.

That simple shift acted like an algorithm interrupt.

Rewriting the Narrative

And it worked.

I now remember their names. I feel connected. I’ve started forming real relationships in my new street.

Your Turn:

Is there a small inspired action you've been putting off because of a label you’ve placed on yourself?
What might change if you gave yourself permission to try something different?