Learning a new relationship with pain

I had spent the best part of a year a slave to pain. I was 31 years old and I was in a mess.

I had moved from a very active job to being a therapist and running my own business. I was so focused on other people that I ignored my own foundations in health. I was working long hours, barely moving and eating the same as I had when I was physically active all day.

It had taken about five years for my body to slowly deteriorate to this point. I was gaining weight, losing muscle tone and becoming increasingly tired. So I started eating quick fix sugars and relying on caffeine to keep me going and this escalated into migraines and back pain.

I started seeing therapists who tried to help by doing extended stretches. One day it was agony while they twisted my back and I just tolerated it, thinking no pain no gain. But the pain never stopped.

I was barely able to walk, unable to drive and working while holding on to the couch for support and lying down between clients.

I had some respite when lying down so in between work days I just lay.

I hoped it was temporary and that it would pass with rest. Nothing changed.

I then started doing the rounds of more therapists I knew with no success.

After months of living this way I realised I was getting nowhere with this approach and I had two choices. Surrender to living like this and make adaptations or try the opposite.

So I looked at my now very overweight and weak body and decided to take it in hand.

I started to address my weight with the help of Weight Watchers. I remember queueing to get in, barely able to stand and talking to the lady next to me. Her best friend had just died and she was grief stricken. I remember thinking if she could do it then so could I.

I then started to address my core, knowing I needed these muscles to support my back. I found a sports injury therapist and she suggested sit ups and back raises.

This was far beyond what I could achieve.

So I started where I was. Lying down and contracting my stomach muscles. Lying with pillows to put my body into the back raise position.

It all still hurt.

Over a month or so I began to be able to do these exercises in a small way.

I was also aware that my posture had been impacted and decided this needed addressing along with the stress I was experiencing from the situation. So I decided to start singing lessons.

I could not always stand at first but in time using my voice helped my breathing, strengthened my diaphragm and helped me to stand straighter. And whilst I was singing with this lovely patient teacher I started to remember a little happiness.

By now I was able to move and drive but I was still in pain most of the time and I decided I needed to up my game. I was aware that I used my body differently now and that needed to change.

So I went to a Kung Fu class.

Even now it surprises me that I thought this was my next step but I am sure I was guided. One of the hardest things I have done is to keep turning up to that class. It was a big class, nearly all young, fit men competing to be the strongest and fittest. I would creep in and hide at the back, attempt to join in as best I could and apologise to anyone I was paired with.

The Sifu, despite being an exceptional martial artist, showed great understanding by letting me be and not pushing me. It took a year before he told me I needed to do my first grading. By that time I was well beyond in ability but lacked the confidence to try.

And then I was mugged.

I was punched in the face but what came forward was indignation. I thought how dare you and leapt towards the getaway car after my attacker. As he sped away with me half hanging out of the car I had a moment of clarity.

My bag was not worth this risk.

I let go and rolled away from the car to avoid the wheels.

I stood up and my first thought was I forgot something. And then I realised.

In that moment I had forgotten to be careful with my body.

The gift of that experience was seeing clearly how careful I was all of the time and realising that this must be impacting my recovery.

So how would I overcome this?

This is when I added aerial arts.

Pushing my body to balance. Waking up those essential muscles that may be missed in other forms of exercise and strengthening my alignment. Doing things that scared me.

And achieving them.

That is what finally flipped the script for me.

I was no longer broken.

Along the way I had to develop a new relationship with pain. To understand that it does not always mean stop. As I restored strength in my body there was still pain, a lot at times.

But I discovered there was a hurt that was helpful and a hurt that was not. A way my body was communicating with me. Part of it driven by fear and part by instability in my structure.

Now when I see clients in pain I have such compassion, having been there myself and gratitude for making a full recovery.

I frequently see people who have long standing issues that come and go and restrict their choices.

And I know there can be another way.

Your Turn

Where in your life has pain or fear caused you to hold back?
What if not all discomfort is something to avoid?
And what small step could you take to begin rebuilding trust in your body?

This is a great read if you want to learn more about the nature of pain and the misconceptions we often hold. I read it retrospectively but it affirmed much of what I learnt through my own experience.

The Painful Truth by Monty Lyman